I'm still missing Maria a lot. I keep thinking about her and all the good times we had together. There won't be anyone else like her. No one else wants me anyway. Even she didn't in the end.

Life is completely pointless.

I wasted today. I went out to go swimming but the pool I went to was shut. I could have gone to another pool but didn't. I've spent several hours wandering around shopping centres and retail parks in the town without buying anything. I don't have any money anyway.

My right achillies is niggling a bit. Don't know why. I braved the scales this morning. 13 stone. Disgusting :-( That's the second time in my life I've been that weight. I wasn't able to run most of last week because of my hamstring. I've been struggling not to eat too much. One meal a day, with snacks, yet I've put on 3lbs. Sick.

I'm just destined to be a fat ugly loser who no one can stand to be with.