It's two weeks now.
I'm not handling things well.
I wish I could turn off my feelings.
I keep thinking about her, about all the good things. Her company, how much I liked her company and her touch, her affection. The nice things she said to me. The ring. Why the hell did she buy me a ring the day before she dumped me? What is that about?
I don't know.
I can't see anyone else ever wanting me.
What have I got? What have I got to offer?
Nothing. The empty nothingness.
I'm boring. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm not well endowned, quite the opposite. I'm disgusting. I'm repulsive. I have no job, no money, no assets. I live with my dad. I have nothing to offer. There is nothing good about me whatsoever. Nothing women want any way. They seem to want men who treat them bad, shout, argue, put them down, beat them up.
That's not me. Because of all this, I will always be alone. I don't want to be alone.
It took 27 years before I could get a girlfriend and look what a mess that was. Fucked up. Everyothing is fucked up. I shouldn't be. I should never have been. I want out if this is the way things will continue. I can't stand it. I just can't stand it.
I joined up with various internet dating things. Actually, I've been joined up with various ones since I was 18. Some of the more recent ones, well, I think they are cons. I get bombarded with messages which I can't read as a 'free' memeber. As soon as I sign up, that's it. Not a dickie bird. Not a fucking thing.
I want out. Please someone get me out.
