I have a pack of Tarot cards. I don't actually know what to do with them. I usually just shuffle them then cut the pack and select a card. I did the same today, only as I was cutting the pack, I noticed one with a slight curve right on top. It was calling to me. I wanted it. Strength. http://www.learntarot.com/maj08.htm
I still haven't heard from Maria. I've emailed her and sent her a text, letting her know I'm worried about her. It's difficult. Really difficult for me. I like her a lot but when she shuts me out like this it's hard. So hard.
My sister took her two children to Bath today for a Birthday party. She dumped her dog on me, who I'll call horror. He did actually behave himself for once although he is very embarassing on the lead. I don't dare let him off because I don't trust him to come back. He will not walk to heel either. I spent most of the walk going backwards and forwards and round in circles hoping he would get the hint.
Other than that not much going on here. Played a bit of limit texas hold 'em poker. Finished in profit. I didn't have much time to do that though.
Mentally, I'm struggling. I want to hurt myself. I say hurt but it doesn't really hurt for various reasons I won't go into now but possibly have in the past, certainly at the other place anyway. So harm. But I won't. Want to but I won't.
Sad and worried :-( I care about her, care so much. Am I a mug? Is she playing games? Taking me for a ride? I don't know, I really don't know. I just like her, love her. I know that.
