Wearing my colors; only, they aren’t my colors any more. They are the colors of the other place. The deep crimson red, day glo yellow and white vertical stripes. I nearly went back there today. Looking for her. She said she would phone me this morning to arrange me going to see her. I haven’t heard from her all day. So now I’m worried.
She’s done it before. It’s actually harder to find when she hasn’t done it. She told me she was a bit drunk Friday night. She used to be an alcoholic. I’m worried she’s been hurt somehow. I don’t know.
I’ve put a fence up to stop myself going to the other place, only I can still get in the back door. I stood outside the back door. On the path but I couldn’t. I couldn’t open the door, let alone walk through it. This is a good thing. For now anyway. I think it’s best I stay away. I shall remain chastised from that place for the time being.
I still have their colors. Indeed I am still sat in them now. Been wearing them all day, since my run this morning. 33 minutes. Still so slow, so, so slow. It’s not good.
Not to mention my weight 12 stone 10lbs 34% body fat. If I’m not careful, I’ll be morbidly obese before long, as opposed to just being obese like I am now. It’s not the weight that bothers me. It’s the fat. The fat on my face and round my gut.
I’d really like to know what’s going through Maria’s mind right now. Why she has decided it’s easier to shut me out completely once again. I’ve told her I’d rather she say to me “I need some space, some time to myself for a bit” than saying she’s going to contact me and then just disappearing.
I have a lot still to learn.
