It's nearly two weeks now since I last spoke to her. I still miss her. I've penned her a letter, emailed her a couple of times. No reply. Nothing. All because I caught her out in a lie. She didn't need to lie to me!
I got it wrong. I realise now. A pushed away any change of sorting things out by what I wrote elsewhere. I didn't fully understand. I won't shoulder all the blame. She didn't tell me everything. If I'd have known more about bipolar then maybe I could have handled things better. I believe she has anti-social personality disorder as well. That would explain the lies.
When we were together, it was fantastic.
I've lost the other site now. The majority didn't want me there. They ripped the piss out of me. Some went out of their way to discredit me. Well, two did. What have I ever done to them? Nothing that I'm aware of. Problem is, I knew things about them which I would never have told anyone about but they were obviously scared I would so had to destroy my character in the process.
Not a big problem. I'm better off dead anyway. I don't want to be her. No one else wants me here. The world will be a better place without me in it. No one who has ever met me likes me. Just what is the point? There is no point. No point to being alone. 27 years old. At least I'm not a virgin anymore. That's not really making me feel much better though.
Life is shit. I want out.
Job Centre tomorrow so will have to be up early.
I miss her deeply. I loved her. Now I have nothing. Nothing at all. Nowhere to go.
