dear blog and I feel awful. Just so alone. I can remember clearly what it was like to be with someone. To have someone who actually appeared to want me. To have someone to talk to. To actually talk to. I keep thinking of what it was like.. being with her. It was just so good.

Now, just nothing.

Will anyone ever want me for real?

Or am I destined to be alone forever?

It sucks. It truly sucks dear blog.

I managed to wash eventually. Got down to the pharmacy then wandered out to Sainsburys. I managed to spend £15 on one bag of shopping. Some green stuff made it's way into my basket. I don't do green. Spinach and Rocket. I should eat something 'healthy' so I brought that.

I did have some entertainment today. Some eejit decided to try and nick a TV from Sainsburys. There was a call out over the intercom or whatever it's called for a security guard to go to the main enterance. As I left the store there was a balding man being restrained by two of them just outside the doors. A few old dears taking an interest too!!!

Other than that I've been playing poker. Made another loss for the day. Don't worry, I'm still in profit overall. I need to try not to freak out when I get a bad run of cards and remember it's just that. Not that i've suddenly started playing crap or the other players a suddenly a lot better than me.

I'm still continuing with my clear out and rearanging.

I've been watching Big Brother this time round. I did get to the stage where I got fed up of it and refused to watch it in principle. The first one was the best, after that, they had to piss around with it and change things that didn't need changing. Seeing as it's the 10th one I thought I'd watch it. A lot of the people in there seem quite er.. interesting. I'm liking the Russian woman at the moment. Angel. She reminds me of someone. Someone special.

So. Yeah.

Miss her. and it. The other place.

I wish there was a way. She wouldn't even speak to me :-(