Stuck in a world where I don't belong

Only I could end up chatting to an off duty cam girl from Las Vegas on line and try to get into the inner, emotive cam girl. To try and get to know what makes her tick, what she enjoys doing.

"What do you do when you're not web camming?"

"Nothing :')"

"No hobbies?"

"No"

"Music, Reading, TV anything like that?"

"I like chatting with my mates"

"What do you chat about?"

"Sex fun"

FFS. Give me an essex girl anyday

A change of subject then.

"So what do you look for in a man?"

"One who can pleasure me"

"How would he do that?"

"By his performance"

Good grief.

"What about you"

"I like to hear a woman orgasm. A real orgasm"

"I could satisfy you..."

"Oh, how are you going to do that?"

"I can't explain it, you'll have to watch my play..."

I'm terribly bored. Most of my writing has been done in my other blog where I am known. I feel like writing without being judge so I'll ramble here for a bit.

I'm wondering if we all are who we say we are? The online and the real world. Are we more real in the online world than the real world? What skeletons are hidden in the closet that we don't want others to know about. Which skeletons have come out the closet but haven't really been so bad?

The embarasment of someone stood in front of me, knowing all my various quirks, my desires, my - no need to be shy here, come on - my fantasies, my sexual interests. Depraved or harmless fun? What place have they? Not that I get any.

So who am I? My online persona is the real me. The me I'd like to be. The me I want to be. The me I used to be.

In person in real life I am but a shell. A nothingness locked up in a cage. A worthless empty hollow man. A man no one wants. A man no one needs. A man with nothing to offer nothing to give. A man who can't talk.

Am I a man? What is it to be a man? I sometimes wonder. Some would say I'm not. In some ways I would have to agree. I have not yet become a man. Not for not wanting to be.

I think that's enough for tonight. Just brain dumping. I should be in bed.