I have to accept there isn't a place in this world for me. I have to accept that there is nothing anyone can do to help me. Not while youthanasia is illegal anyway.
If I wasn't so hiddeously ugly then things might not be so bad. Just a glimpse, or even a though of me is enough to make people physically sick.
I have no friends. Not a single one. Not for 15 years. I don't know how to be a friend anymore. I've never had a proper girlfriend.
There is no point in me being here.
I thought 'M' was a friend.
I made a mistake. I feel in love with her. That's not a mistake in itself but telling her was. She was safe, far away from me so she didn't have to worry about how discusting I was. I told her though. She cut me off completely. I miss her.
Now everyone from that online community knows what I did and they all hate me as well. I have been pushed out. I thought some of her friends were becoming my friends as well but no not any longer. I went from having a little hope that someone could accept me to having none at all.
All this from one little mistake. Telling a beautiful woman I had fell in love with her. What a fucking freak I am. I knew what would happen before I did it. How fucking stupid of me. I knew she'd feel sick that such a repulsive piece of shit like me would have feeling for her.
I'm not capable of love though. I've never been loved and never will love. I don't feel love. No. I have obsessions.
Will someone please kill me?
I told her evertyhing about me. Everything down to the tiniest little detail and she's just cut me off. I have lost everything. Everything wasn't much, no. It was all I had.
Everything has gone. Everyone has gone. The virtual world as well as the real world has rejected me. There is nothing left. Nowhere else to go.
