Stuck in a world where I don't belong

That's all I ask. Just for somone not to be completly repulsed and disgusted by me. Someone who's willing to embrace me. Just to hold me in there arms. To want me. To want me to be there. To accept me. Someone who can stand to breathe the same air as me. Someone who accepts that i'm there and I need love too.

Just one person. That's all I ask for. All I need.

A nothing day today. Haven't done anything, just sat on my arse staring at the walls. I spend many a day like this. I just shouldn't be here. I should have never been brought into this world. I was doomed from the start.

Things are getting worse.

I miss her.

At least for a bit, someone was there. Even if she wasn't here. Someone who understood. Someone I thought cared. Someone I could comunicate with.

Gone now.

All gone.

I've been writing a blog now for 3 years on another website. On that particular site I have been very open about myself, revealing my innermost secrets and thought. My feeling's and emotions. Recently some people have been having problems with what I have been writing. For some reason they can't cope with a man who has emotions. They don't feel it is right for me to be writing down how I feel.

On the other site, I don't write annomously. I was writing an onpen diary. As such, I didn't feel I should hide anything. Everything was laid out honestly in my blog. On here i'm going to stay hidden as much as I can, but I will be writing about me.

On the other web site I found someone who truely understood me. She wrote her own blog but the way she wrote, the thoughts and feelings she had, well I could have wrote them myself. We developed what I thought was a strong friendship. We would right regularly to each other - several times a week - offering each other support, friendship.

The problem is, I developed strong feelings for her. I fell in love with her. Not a bigee. Not until I told her how I felt.

She cut me off. Completly. She ignored my mails, blocked me from reading her blog and defriended me on facebook.

I miss her. I miss her so, so bad.

That was just the start though. Because I started writing about how I felt about that situation, without revealing who I was on about, people started rejecting me. Some made it clear I wasn't welcome to spill my crap there anymore so eventually it's all going to come out in here.

I have a bad habit of writing huge long blogs!